he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
