someone get that fucking seahorse.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
