How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
