I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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