After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
