then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
