Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
