Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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