Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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