awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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