she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
