Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
