I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
