she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
