I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
