Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize