WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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