He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
