If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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