That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
