i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I could make wine with my vomit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
