His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
