His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
