I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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