I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
