If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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