I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
