I just made out with a guy for $7.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
please come you make the beer taste better
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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