it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
