Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
