I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
