i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
