He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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