Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
