hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need a beard to bite.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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