it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
