as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
