so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
