Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
