I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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