why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
