saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
