thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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