It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
