So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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