How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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