I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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