i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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