Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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