i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
