help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize