In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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