Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I could fuck to npr.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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