How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
