I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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