I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
