Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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