guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm too high and old for this...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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