Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
