Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
