Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
