He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
