and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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