I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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