I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
