with your own penis?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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