what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
