I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Life is so much better after having sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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