3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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