He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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