i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't turn off my feet"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
