I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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